i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
