I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
