It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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