in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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