Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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