At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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