pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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