Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
