your room smells of hookers.
And success
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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