is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
