my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
