All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
