Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so let's talk penis.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
