guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
