we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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