You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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