your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
