is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
True strength comes from lack of pants
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
