4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
