did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
