maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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