Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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