i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
