The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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