Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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