Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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