I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
