She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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