ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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