i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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