what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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