shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We have started to decorate penises.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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