That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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