the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
