Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
