I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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