i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
