Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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