oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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