Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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