what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
