Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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