u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i came on her dog
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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