Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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