After last night, I could never be a politician.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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