I like to think it a success when the cops are called
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We are all done wearing pants today
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
