Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
