I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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