I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
