Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
