so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
